It’s that time of year again… you know what I mean… incessantly cheerful people insisting that you have a merry THIS or a happy THAT. Pumpkin flavored everything. Bountiful harvests. Bonfires. Corn mazes. Joy. Joy. Joy. Gah! It’s all so frikkin’ AWESOME. Seriously, I love nearly everything about this time of year. But there’s a few things that could be…. errr…. fine tuned. Like all the thankfulness that everyone parades around the internet every November that generally makes me feel kind of annoyed, which in turn makes me feel all guilty for being all judge-y or whatever. I mean, I’m thankful. But I’m lazy and I lack commitment. There’s just no way I can remember to make a post on Facebook for 30 days in a row and still remember to brush my teeth a couple times a week too. We all have our limits, right?
So, because the guilt got the better of me, and because I’m so self aware, I’m just writing them all down now. Well, 30 random things I can think of right now. And because I’m all busy sitting on an airplane going somewhere, most of them are related to traveling… which is actually a really great time to get in touch with your inner Dalai Lama…. because nobody needs inner peace more than somebody sitting in a big metal tube hurtling through the atmosphere with 150 strangers packed tightly around them.
Oh, and one more thing. I’m skipping all the crap I’m supposed to say. Of course I’m grateful for my family and friends and good weather and whirled peas and whatever. I’m thankful to be an American citizen where no one can force me to do stuff I don’t want to do, and where instead everyone just shames you into doing what you are supposed to do. And I’m thankful for all the dedicated people who serve our country and make the shaming possible and stuff too. But the rest of this post will actually be about all the random stuff nobody ever mentions that I’m really thankful for.
So, in no particular order other than the order in which these golden nuggets of gratitude fell into my consciousness, here are 30 things I’m thankful for:
1. That thingy on Facebook that lets you hide someone’s posts without unfriending them (don’t hate, you’re thankful for that too).
2. That I didn’t wreck my car that day my flip-flop got hung on the brake pedal.
3. Gorilla glass. And that my iPhone case bounces.
4. Power outlets. Power outlets and USB ports everywhere. More juice. Hungry gadgets need more juice.
5. Motels. Motels are so underrated. I love the simplicity of parking my car in front of the door where I’ll be staying and just walking inside. Simple. Easy. Done. No stuffy elevators, or dark recesses of parking lots to drag all my stuff across. A parking space in front of a door. This is the American way.
6. Toll-free highways. Tolls suck. Having to stop on a highway to pay a toll really really sucks.
7. Cruise control. (Can I get an amen?)
8. Free Wi-fi. Wi-fi at coffee shops, and fast food restaurants, and coming right out of my phone too (okay, that one’s not free). Free wi-fi on the plane today, even! Heck, I’d like a wi-fi connection to just be implanted in my brain if I could get it. I hear Google is working on it.
9. Sunglasses and tinted windows. Crows feet begone!
10. The gloriously consistent mediocrity of Taco Bell.
11. 24 hour grocery stores. For when I’m tired of Taco Bell.
12. Apps like iTrip and MapQuest. To help me find Taco Bell and Trader Joe’s.
13. Pockets on my clothes. Photographers need pockets, y’all, and I’m always glad to find a pair of pants that have pockets big enough to put a CF card in.
14. That we cancelled cable 2 years ago. I read a lot more books and have much more time for Pinterest now.
15. Absorbent kitchen towels. I know, right? When exactly did they stop making kitchen towels that actually absorb water?
16. Dogs. Enough said.
17. Electric blankets. Best. Present. Ever. Hey, do I smell bacon?
18. Bacon. Bacon is so good, even vegetarians like it. Well, at least the couple of vegetarians that I know. Heck, I don’t even like bacon, and I still like bacon.
19. Beer. And wine. And occasionally even a little Irish whiskey.
20. Cheese. (sorry, I’m hungry and it’s time to eat.)
21. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.
22. Film, and other shite that stays the same. In a world full of New and Improved, and Upgraded for Better Performance, it’s nice to have something that you just freakin’ KNOW will actually work the way you expect it to.
23. Evernote. Like Stacey’s mom, they’ve got it going on.
24. India Ink. That stuff stays put. Just sayin’.
25. The National Park system. And their passport stamp book. Staaaaammmps. More stamps.
26. Real half-and-half. So hard to find when you’re traveling, and so heavenly when you find it.
27. Emery boards. Because nothing sends me into a downward spiral of obsessive picking faster than a snag on my fingernail. I keep the wondrously abrasive sticks of joy stashed in my desk, in my car, in my computer bag so that there’s always one with me. Productivity and sanity demand it.
28. My iPhone. Call me an Apple fangirl or whatever, but I’ve got more sheer computational capacity in my pocket right now than the entire NASA organization possessed when they sent the first man to the MOON. I’m practically invincible! I use it to find Taco Bell and calculate tips in restaurants.
29. The far left lane on the interstate. The slow drivers need somewhere to collect.
30. That the list is only 30 items long. It’s hard to be funny for this long, but I mostly made it.
Whew! Happy Thanksgiving Y’all! Be sure to mention something you’re thankful for in the comments, and you better not say Jesus or your mama. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Around here, we’re shallow and superficial, m’kay? ;D
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